and. what is this. omg.
You Gonna Get It To My Ride (Right?)
JongKey (kind of a bandfic, which is new for me)
Jonghyun really hated being a member of SHINee sometimes.
The glamor was good, so were the gifts and the screaming legions of girls who showed up everywhere he and his group-mates went. But there were times, like right now, in a crowded van, swerving left and right through Los Angeles traffic while already absurdly late to their first concert in America, that he hated being in a popular idol group.
They had gotten lost about five minutes after leaving The Grove, where they - well, Kibum - had shopped an hour longer than they were supposed to. The others had gotten their shopping done quickly, but Kibum had insisted on continuing his search for, what he called, "the perfect belt to go with those shoes," and hadn't bothered to describe which out of his many shoes he was talking about, only waving a hand in dismissal, saying "I'll know when I see the belt, don't worry!". As it turned out, he did find the belt he wanted, but it was on a mannequin, and that appeared to be the last of its color in the store. This led to a rather embarrassing conversation between Kibum and the saleslady, including Kibum's broken English, and the flustered saleslady's attempts to get Kibum to understand that the belt was on display and she couldn't possibly sell it. Eventually it came down to Kibum repeating "Do you understand?" and the saleslady replying with "Do you understand, sir?", while Taemin watched with an amused smile on his face, Minho just shook his head at the whole spectacle, and Jinki stood there chewing his lip, his escalating state of nervousness becoming a cause of concern to Jonghyun and Minho. Jinki was usually pretty calm, but ever since they'd been in America he'd been something of a nervous wreck. He probably thought they were going to be shot, or something equally silly and dramatic, and it would be all his fault. Jonghyun had thought there was more of a chance of Kibum being arrested for assaulting that saleswoman than a group of Americans shooting them down at random.
Eventually Kibum had gotten his belt, when their manager had gotten desperate and offered to buy a small pile of clothes along with the belt. The moment they walked out of the store they noticed how dark it had gotten, and Onew yelled out a deep "Oh my god!" in English, and when he checked his watch, he glanced up at them in horror.
They were extremely late.
Around seven minutes later and here they were, in that crowded van, hopelessly lost after making a wrong turn somewhere along the way. Their manager was in the front seat on the phone, explaining their situation to someone who seemed to be as clueless as they were. The directions, which had been thrown to the back seat when their manager figured they were completely useless at this point, were now just a crumpled piece of paper on Jonghyun's lap. He looked outside the window and saw the words "S. Western ave." on a few signs, didn't see them anywhere on the paper, and realized that yes, they were in fact very screwed.
Kibum, who was sitting between Jonghyun and Minho, snatched the paper out of Jonghyun's hand and stared at it, hard. "What the hell, these are the simplest directions ever, how could we get lost?"
"I don't know," Minho said while staring out the window, "Maybe it's because not only are we in a foreign country, but we were also already late when we left. That couldn't have helped manager-hyung's nerves any."
"What exactly are you saying?" Kibum said the words with so much venom, it was clear to Jonghyun that he knew exactly what Minho was saying, and wasn't too pleased.
Jonghyun watched Minho turn to face Kibum, his eyes challenging. Everyone had their breaking point, and Jonghyun figured they had just reached Minho's for the second time that day. The first being earlier, when Kibum had refused to eat anything but Taco Bell, and their manager, who Kibum seemed to have by the balls, had told them they would all just have to eat at Taco Bell since there was no time to go anywhere else. Since then, Minho had been rather short with Kibum. Usually they just went along with what Kibum said, since most of the time it was simple demands, like where they would eat or what movie they would see, but today had been ridiculous and even Jonghyun, who would be the first to admit that Kibum had him by the balls, would say it was time to draw the line.
"I'm saying," Minho yanked the directions from Kibum without losing eye contact with the other boy, his hand flattening the paper against his knee. "That if you hadn't made us all look for some stupid belt-"
"Excuse me?" Kibum almost gasped, moving to face Minho as much as his seal belt and cramped space would allow, which wasn't much.
"Oh you said it now, Hyung." Taemin smiled at Minho's head from beside Jinki, who Jonghyun noticed was simply watching the exchange with wide eyes as he bit his nails almost compulsively. Jonghyun could have sworn he heard him whimper.
Kibum pointed a finger at Minho, who was peering at the directions and looking out the window. "I'll have you know that this is a reversible signature coach belt, impossible to find in Korea."
"Uh-huh," Minho nodded, bending over an affronted-looking Kibum to look at the street signs at the intersection they were stopped at.
"I realize that even with all your 'modeling experience'-" Kibum rolled his eyes even as he spoke. Jonghyun knew that Minho had stopped listening, and he knew that Kibum knew that Minho had stopped listening, but he also knew that Kibum loved being dramatic and also loved hearing himself talk, so he wasn't about to stop just because of that. "You still don't know anything about fashion, so let me tell you this in a language you might understand. Imagine that this gorgeous belt, which matches my shoes back home perfectly by the way, is like, I don't know, a soccer ball signed by Henry whats-his-face or whatever. You would definitely go out of your way to buy it here if it were on sale, wouldn't you? And we would understand. So why can't you understand? This belt is about as important as my life, Minho. My Life."
Minho took a deep breath and shoved the directions back at Taemin, who took them and tried to pass them to Jinki, who now had his head back and was staring straight up with a blank expression. Jonghyun watched as Taemin put the paper over Jinki's face and shrugged, turning to stare out the window.
"He didn't even listen, did he?" Kibum said to Jonghyun, his arms now crossed in front of his chest.
"No, no, I think he's too busy like...trying to find out where we are. You know, since we're so late." Jonghyun smiled shakily at Kibum, not wanting to get on his bad side.
Kibum adjusted the hat on his head and scoffed. "As if he's gonna find out where we are, manager hyung doesn't even know."
"At least I tried," Minho spat under his breath.
Kibum's head snapped to the left. "What was that?"
"Nothing, hyung." Minho lifted his head to smile at Kibum before lowering it again to the window, his head rubbing left and right against the glass. He looked like he desperately wanted to be anywhere but there, and Jonghyun felt exactly the same.
After about a minute of silence between the five boys, while their manager continued talking to the person on the other line and Kibum started playing with one of Jonghyun's fingers, Taemin suddenly made everything chaotic in two seconds. For some reason, Taemin actually rolled down the window at a stop light and asked a group of young teenage girls, in English, "YOU KNOW EMMA WATSON? HERMIONE? HERMIONE FRIEND?", which was enough to pull Jinki out of his semi-vegetative state and he reached over and yanked Taemin's head in the van, apologizing profusely to the girls as he hastily rolled up the window.
"Taemin, Emma Watson is British, what would she be doing in America?" Key asked after they had gotten Jinki's breathing back to a somewhat normal pace. He sounded annoyed, but Jonghyun could tell by his expression that he was more amused than anything. He was also the only one, besides maybe Taemin, who found anything amusing out of their current situation.
"But she's famous. And this is Hollywood, everyone famous outside of Asia lives here!" Taemin grinned at them from the backseat.
"Uh-huh, sure Taemin-ah." Kibum nudged Jonghyun's thigh. "You know he gets the stupidity from you. It's rubbed off on him. I hope you're proud of yourself."
"Taemin isn't stupid," Minho reached a long arm back to pat Taemin on the arm once and turned in towards Kibum, lowering his voice so the younger boy couldn't hear what he said next. Jonghyun leaned in to listen. "He's just manipulative, and you keep falling for it. How many times do I have to tell you he's not some dumb, helpless child. He can act like a brat and not get in trouble for it because you think it's his naivety. He's making you look stupid, hyung."
"No, we covered this, Jonghyun is the stupid one," Kibum said with a shrug, probably not even hearing what Minho was saying. "Poor Taeminnie."
"Poor Taeminnie?" Minho repeated Kibum's words. "Just a few hours ago you called 'poor Taeminnie' a, what was it, a 'treacherous little beast' for eating your last Taco Bell nacho. And you smacked him around a bit, in public."
"I did not!" Kibum acted as if the very thought of doing such things was ridiculous, even though everyone in the van had witnessed it.
Jonghyun frowned. Kibum was constantly calling him stupid, which made no sense because he wasn't stupid. He might have gotten confused sometimes, and yeah he kind of sucked at that one Star Golden Bell game, but only geeks like Jinki and Taecyeon did well at that game. Jonghyun crossed his arms and nodded to himself - yes, he was smart in other ways, Kibum just chose to ignore those good things and put him down for the bad. Jonghyun knew he would get tired of it one day, get tired of giving in to Kibum's whims like everyone else, get tired of allowing the other boy to call him names and put him down. But that was a long time away. And if he had any doubt of how far away that day was, he would be reassured by the way his anger just melted away with a soft poke to his jaw from an almost sheepish-looking Kibum.
Just as Jonghyun poked Kibum back, which had become their way of making sure neither of them was angry at the other, Jinki's voice came from the seat behind them. His voice was small and afraid, with just enough of a nervous tinge to it to make Jonghyun glance worriedly at Minho, who was looking back at him with a worried expression of his own.
"Oh my god, you guys, we're gonna die here in Los Angeles, we're gonna die and nobody is gonna know because we're gonna be dead and we'll be thrown in a sewer or something and Lee Soo Man is gonna find my body just so he can take it back there and chop it into a million pieces or something because this is all my fault and why am I leader I think I'm losing the feeling in my left arm oh my god I'm dying just leave me here guys."
"Should I open the door?" Taemin asked with wide eyes and what some might call an almost eager smile, his hand already on the door handle.
"What the fuck, no, you should not open the door," Kibum yelled, turning and putting an arm over the seat, staring at Jinki. "Get it together, Jinki, you're not the only one having a hard time - don't cry, don't cry - and oh my god, we are not going to die. Unless this little psychopath over here kills us all, which isn't a stretch at this point. And stop with that weird smile, Taemin, because I will put you in the trunk, do not test me. You may be stupid - shut your mouth, Minho, don't even say anything - but I won't let you be weird on top of being mentally challenged like Jonghyun."
Taemin rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, looking out the window and looking every bit the pissed off teenager he was. Jinki had stopped rocking and clutching his arm and was now only letting out an occasional whimper as he watched the bright city street go by. Jonghyun wondered if maybe they just weren't ready for America. Jinki certainly wasn't, that was for sure. And maybe America wasn't ready for Taemin. Jonghyun wasn't sure, but one thing he was sure of, is that Kibum looked really hot when he took charge. So he decided to tell him.
"You look hot when you take charge." Jonghyun said to Kibum, quirking his lips and ignoring Minho's exasperated "Are you kidding me?" from the other side.
"I always look hot," Kibum shrugged, looking straight ahead. "Thanks for pointing out the obvious."
Jonghyun licked his lips. "Yeah, but, extra hot. We should just blow off the concert and go back to the hotel."
Kibum flashed a reluctant smile and put his hand on Jonghyun's thigh. Jonghyun sucked in a deep breath as Kibum's hand slowly slid in closer to his crotch before resting there. He looked at Jonghyun, who looked straight back at Kibum, his own hands frozen on his sides.
"Or we could just have some fun in the van...manager hyung and the others would never know. But Jjong, you'd have to be very..." a rub, and Jonghyun bit his bottom lip, "Quiet."
"Hello," Minho said, his indignant tone making Kibum's face crumple in on itself in anger and Jonghyun sit straight up. He hadn't even noticed himself slouching down during Kibum's short-lived ministrations. "I'm right here."
Kibum took his hand off Jonghyun's crotch, much to Jonghyun's disappointment, and turned to look straight at Minho. Jonghyun lifted his leg to try and cover the effect Kibum's hand had on him, and hoped they didn't get to the concert in the next few minutes. He looked out the window, noticed the same restaurant they'd passed about ten times, and decided he was in the clear.
While Jonghyun stared at the window letting his problem pass, he heard Kibum rounding in on Minho.
"Yes, I know you're Right Here. You're always Right Here. And if you're not Right Here, it's because I'm somewhere else, so you're wherever Jonghyun is. 'Oh, Hyung, have you tasted this cake? No? Here, let me feed it to you~'" Kibum imitated Minho, his voice lowering several octaves. Jonghyun watched some woman on the sidewalk arguing with a bush. "There's this phrase Amber taught me, and it fits you perfectly. You, Choi Minho, are a cockblocker." he said the word in perfect English.
"What?" Minho and Taemin both asked, and Jinki whimpered something indecipherable. Jonghyun closed his eyes, letting his forehead rest against the cool glass window.
"You're always stopping me from doing what I want, which is Jonghyun, therefore you are a cockblocker."
Jonghyun heard Taemin's voice pipe up from behind him, with a mirthful, "Then you're a cockblocker too, Kibum-hyung."
The last thing Jonghyun heard before sleep claimed him was their manager complaining about good-for-nothing pretty boys, Taemin Laughing, Minho shouting something at him, and what sounded like Jinki sobbing.
The only thing that made being an idol easier in times like this was his ability to fall asleep under the craziest conditions. And luckily for him, Kibum was too busy - most likely trying to strangle Taemin - to wake him up.
Jonghyun woke up to someone shaking him and slapping him on top of his head, shouting at him to "Wake up, you stupid bastard." and even if he didn't recognize the voice, he still would have known it was Kibum. Jonghyun sat up and opened his eyes. He noticed they were the only ones in the van, and that the van was now parked in a parking lot. Kibum sat down in the seat next to him, reaching up and turning off the light.
"We're here, obviously. And no thanks to you," Kibum said as he shot Jonghyun a dirty look. "Who falls asleep in a situation like that, seriously. I think Jinki may have actually had a nervous breakdown while you lay there snoring. I've never seen his like this, I think we should get him therapy before ever coming back to America."
It was like everything was still hitting a wall in Jonghyun's head, and things were slowly trickling through. He stared at Kibum looked around at the parking lot once more, and noticed the words "Bowl Entrance" on a sign in the distance. "Oh my god we're here, what happened, how did we get here?"
It had finally sunk in, and Kibum merely threw up his hands in exasperation. "Okay, so you heard nothing I said-"
"No, I did," Jonghyun said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible even though he wasn't fully awake. "Jinki, breakdown, snoring, yeah, but what happened. We were there for...well, forever, and now we're here."
"Shh," Kibum put a hand against Jonghyun's lips, effectively quieting him. "It's a long story that involves my superior English skills, a young American girl, and Taemin's eyelashes. The point is, we're here, and they're waiting for us, so let's go."
Kibum grabbed Jonghyun's wrist to lead him out of the van, but Jonghyun, feeling a lot stronger as he woke up more, pulled Kibum back against his body. Kibum lay there, somewhat awkwardly, as Jonghyun lifted his shirt, trailing his fingers against the cool skin of Kibum's stomach. Jonghyun felt Kibum take in a shuddering breath as he played with the thin trail of hair he found there, his fingers sneaking into the waistband of Kibum's pants.
With a few quick movements, Kibum was straddling Jonghyun, their mouths pressed together. Jonghyun felt Kibum's tongue slip into his mouth, hot and quick against his own, and he reached a hand down and grabbed Kibum's hips, bringing them closer together.
And then, right when Kibum had found a comfortable rhythm and Jonghyun had both of their pants unbuckled, there were two loud bangs on the van door.
"You were supposed to be backstage with Jonghyun-hyung five minutes ago, Kibum-hyung." Minho's voice cut into the almost too-loud sound of their heavy breathing, and he sounded like he knew exactly what they were doing.
"Accident my ass," Kibum said to himself, sounding as out-of-breath as Jonghyun was. "There is no way he isn't doing this on purpose."
"Huh?" Jonghyun stared at Key's mouth.
"Nothing, come on. This bitch..."
Later that night, Jonghyun and Key would once again try to mess around in the bathroom. And once again, Minho would interrupt them.
He would claim it was an accident.
Kibum would throw an ashtray at his head and also claim that it was an accident.
Jonghyun would wonder, not for the first time, if it was too late to try and join 2PM.